The timeless classic Chrono Trigger has been rated by the ESRB for the PSP and PlayStation 3.

This means it will soon be a great time for fans of the classic RPG, as well as those sorry saps (including myself) who somehow managed to miss this game the first 88 times it was ported, since we can finally experience star Crono’s adventures in time for the first time, long after its time.

Time.

On a side note, check out this excerpt from ESRB’s official site:

Early Signs Ratings Busted

I’m by no means an expert on the passing of moral judgement on others (in fact, I’m rather opposed to it) but I find it interesting that the ESRB’s rating would go from “EVERYONE” to “EVERYONE 10+” then finally “TEEN” all for the same game title. Granted, the PSOne and DS versions of the game did add a few cinematic cutscenes which the original SNES version didn’t have but I don’t know that they contained anything worthy of a ratings change. Nevertheless, it begs the question: Will these new versions of the classic for PS3 and PSP have racier content than previous versions or has the holier-than-thou ESRB simply gotten even holier-than-they-used-to-be? Only time will tell…

Just for kicks, here’s a completely unrelated video I found while searching for “Chrono Trigger” (other than title this video has nothing to do with the game but I still think it’s pretty bad-ass):

Go ahead. Tell me you wouldn’t eat that.

Probably the most fanatically misguided group since the folks at Jonestown drank the Kool-Aid, PeTA (”People for the ethical Treatment of Animals”)’s antics have always been good for a chuckle, or at the very least a spine-chilling shiver.

Now, the same folks who squandered their hapless followers’ donations on the mouth-watering parody “Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals,” have cooked up another one.

This time the “Protestors of everything Truly Appetizing” have set their sights on the XBLA insta-classic “Super Meat Boy” because well, as we all know, putting the word “Meat” in the title of a video game is a lot like torturing and murdering helpless kittens.

“I know Tofu.” _________________ “Show me.”

I’d like you to meet (<-see what I did there?) the "Plant eating Terrorists with Attitudes” latest creation: “Super Tofu Boy.” …Original!

“Super Tofu Boy” is the star of a Flash-based platform game concocted by PeTA’s mad scientists to rival the success of Super Meat Boy. You can check the game out here. To be fair, it’s not bad… as web games go.

Uh oh… I wonder what those fly-swatting, cow-tipping, ivory poachers over at Team Meat have to say about this? They must be ’shaking in their custom baby seal leather boots!’ (<-Movie Quote Trivia Time!)

Here’s a statement from Team Meat’s official website:

So as many of you know, the famed Peta organization took time out of their schedule to make a parody of Super Meat Boy, Super Tofu Boy. Honestly this is a major high point for me personally.

Putting all my cards on the table right now, I actually repeatedly made fake user names in Peta’s forum pushing the game at them in hopes something like this would happen, but gave up realizing that Peta wouldn’t ever put effort into something “meat related” that was so small and unknown, that’s exactly why this parody is so important and eye opening for us.

Peta is 1000 times more well known then Super Meat Boy and the fact that they went out of their way to make a parody like this is beyond flattering and amazingly helpful.

First off I want to thank Peta for helping us turn Super Meat Boy into a house hold name and of course for making themselves look quite foolish in the process… see (as mentioned in countless interviews) Meat Boy isn’t made of animal meat, he’s simply a boy without skin whose name is Meat Boy.. but sshh don’t tell them that.

Now dont get me wrong, i have NOTHING against Vegans or Vegetarians. I was Vegetarian for many years, and was an animal control officer who saved animals for a living for a long time, i empathize, understand and accept why people choose to eat, and live as they wish, and obviously i believe everyone should have the freedom to express themselves in anyway as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

But.

I dont support an organization who is 100% against all animal testing, because that would mean my best friend in the world would be dead, not to mention his mother and many of my family members and friends who also are diabetic (animal testing is important).

But you came here to read about video games and flame wars via twitter so ill leave you with this.

Its hard to make a come back to a company that is high brow enough to compare concentration camps to chicken coops.. but ill try and close this with a joke that’s a bit more light hearted.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “See (as mentioned in countless interviews) Meat Boy isn’t made of animal meat, he’s simply a boy without skin whose name is Meat Boy.. but sshh don’t tell them that.”

Seems they’re taking PeTA’s attacks with a grain of salt - ironically the same way most people have to take their tofu.

Quick to make the best of a bad situation (one might say ‘life gave them lemons so they made lemonade’ but then they’d have the ‘People for the Ethical Treatment of Citrus Fruits’ chasing after them), Team Meat were quick to release their own parody of PeTA’s parody: “Tofu Boy” has been officially announced as a future unlockable character in “Super Meat Boy!”

Our hero!

UPDATE:
Tofu Boy is officially playable in the latest update on Steam!
To play as Tofu Boy type in ” petaphile ” on the character select, if you’ve done it you’ll hear an unlock sound, select meat boy and you’ll now be Tofu Boy!.

Here’s an action-packed highlight reel of Tofu Boy’s adventures (he’s so cute!):

Well, I dunno about you, but all this talk of meat, naked ladies and humans without skin has got me a hankerin’ for a hamburger. Until next time…

DJ Sonic in tha Mix

Hot on the white-striped heels of SEGA’s Sonic the Hedgehog 4, a couple of independent, die-hard hedgehogs have done what so many big-name producers have failed to: They’ve made a playable, dare I say “fun?” Sonic the Hedgehog game! Of course, to be fair, this game is a “remix” of SEGA’s classic Sonic so Kings of the Crash are due some credit. Still, one must wonder why they seem unable to make something like this now?

Sonic Fan Remix is free to play, right now, and you should.

After that, you might like to come back here n’ read Game Informer’s interview with the blue-souled bandits who are responsible for all that fun you just had:

Game Informer’s Dan Ryckert vs. Pelikan (artist) and Mercury (programmer)

One of the most striking elements of Sonic Fan Remix is the fact that it’s visually superior to the Sega-made Sonic 4. How was a team of two able to make a better-looking game than a major game studio?
Pelikan: In the past, game engines like Unity and UDK have not been available to the public for free, and those engines can produce high quality results and they are really easy to use. Sonic 4 and SFR have very different art styles and many people have complained about SFR’s “busy” look, so comparing them is not simple.
Mercury: I think that SFR succeeds where Sonic 4 fails because it’s more surprising. There are so many details that you’re just not expecting to see, and that’s what makes it so exciting.

Did you start development on Sonic Fan Remix before or after the announcement of Sonic 4?
Pelikan: I started working on the game around 10 days prior to Sega’s announcement. When I heard they were working on a 2D Sonic I felt both excited as a Sonic fan and a bit disappointed. I did consider stopping work on SFR at that point as I felt there might be no place for it.

Has Sega contacted you in any way in regards to the game (praise, legal threats, etc.)?
Pelikan: No.

What’s the plan going forward? Are you going to release a full version at some point, and will it remain freeware?
Pelikan: Yes, it can only be freeware as it’s a fan game, and I will release each zone as soon as it’s done, along with updates to the previous zones.

Do you guys have aspirations of breaking into the industry full-time, or is this something you just enjoy doing as a hobby?
Pelikan: I have been working in games for the past few years as a freelance artist, but my big goal would be to make my own games.
Mercury: For me it’s purely a hobby. I wouldn’t want to work in the industry, mainly because the type of project I like to work on isn’t something that’s commercially viable.

What is the team’s favorite Sonic title?
Pelikan: Sonic 2.
Mercury: Sonic CD.

When do you think Sega started to lose its way with the Sonic series?
Mercury: Sonic Adventure. It took pretty much everything I loved about the series and threw it out.
Pelikan: I have to agree with Mercury, although I really enjoyed the game at the time. Sega made some choices for Sonic from gameplay to visuals to voice acting that never clicked with me and seem to have stayed with Sonic ever since.

Sonic’s movement physics have changed over the years. What do you think about some of those changes?
Mercury: Keeping strictly to the 2D games, I think some changes make sense. Sonic Advance - being on a hand-held system with a small screen - reduced Sonic’s jump height so that the player wouldn’t lose sight of the ground when he jumps. In Sonic Rush, the rolling physics were changed to make rolling up less useful, because they wanted to emphasize the boost move. Other changes like Sonic’s newfound ability to destroy breakable walls by just walking through them at any speed, I find to be outrageous. They seem more like mistakes or lazy design than intentional modifications.

So far, these stages are remade versions of existing Sonic levels. Have you ever considered making an entirely original Sonic game?
Pelikan: For the time being, the only Sonic game I plan to work on is SFR. I intend to create original zones for it though.
Mercury: I have. In fact, after SFR, that’s exactly what I’m going to be working on.

Have you considered remaking any non-Sonic games?
Pelikan: Well, I have some original game ideas that I would love to create. As far as remakes go, I would love to see Streets of Rage make a comeback.
Mercury: Yes, actually. My other favorite game series besides Sonic is Phantasy Star, and I’d love to remake Phantasy Star I and II in the future.

Personally, I look forward to whatever these guys come up with next - be it a remix, or one of Pelikan’s originals.

Lastly, I hope SEGA’s watching and learning.

I’d stick ‘em, and shoot ‘em… if ya know what I mean.

Hot, lingerie-clad chicks with swords and guns fighting dragons and bunny-faced robots. If you don’t want to see this I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Watch this trailer only once. I dare you:

A few more pics, for your viewing pleasure:

Character: “Amber”
Played By: Jamie Chung
Known For: She was in Sorority Row, then went on to play one of Rob Schneider’s sexy daughters from Grown Ups - but best of all she’s gonna be in Dragon Ball 2! Um… Awesome!..? (Please shoot me.)

Character: “Blondie”
Played By: Vanessa Hudgens
Known For: She was in High School Musical but her real claim to fame was the teen nudie pic scandal, a few years back…

Character: “Madam Gorski”
Played By: Carla Gugino
Known For: She played a tough lesbian who was forced to watch as Elijah Wood ate her fingers in Sin City, then she was a tough lesbian who got raped by The Comedian in The Watchmen. Not sure what the deal is with Madam Gorski but if history and that poster are any indication, I’d say odds are pretty good she’ll turn out to be a tough lesbian who will probably suffer some terrible fate.

Character: “Rocket”
Played By: Jena Malone
Known For: Most notably, she was Gretchen Ross, love interest to Donnie Darko.

Character: “Sweet Pea”
Played By: Abbie Cornish
Known For: I haven’t personally seen this chick in anything. Diggin’ the naughty elf costume, though.

If you believe the infernal buzzing of the media flies, you might think Jonah Hex is just another Megan Fox flick. In actuality, it’s the big-screen adaptation of a DC comic book of the same name. Of course, in true comic book movie fashion, we can expect Hollywood to take more than their fair share of liberties with the story…

In the comic book: Jonah Hex’s father sold him to the Apaches as a slave. After proving himself by rescuing the tribe’s chief from a puma, Jonah was adopted by the chief himself. The chief’s biological son didn’t take too kindly to this, and eventually he challenged Jonah to a sacred Tomahawk duel. Before the fight, the chief’s son sabotaged Jonah’s weapon, so Jonah was forced to use his knife to defend himself - a violation of the tribe’s sacred rules. The Apaches burned Jonah’s face with a hot Tomahawk before banishing his cheating ass from the tribe, forever.

In the movie: Jonah’s face was scarred by his arch-nemesis, Quentin Turnbull, whom Jonah spends the remainder of the film tracking down to exact his revenge. Aw, how neat and tidy that is! Stupid comic books with all their complex origins and intricate storytelling - who needs ya! Huh? Not us. We like to keep things simple so folks can follow along… in their sleep.

Let’s take a look at the trailer:

Well, the trailer is only about 50% Megan Fox, which is a lot, considering she’s barely in this movie. Hard to believe, given the press’s overabundance of attention to her “bad acting,” but I think Fox actually had less opportunity to show her acting chops in this than she did in Transformers.

But, enough about Foxy. Let’s get on to the meat of the subject. This is a western (of sorts), so I think I’ll break this up into three categories familiar to western fans. First…

THE GOOD: The visual effects for Jonah Hex’s supernatural powers were outstanding. The scenes in which Hex is reanimating, conversing and even fighting with the dead are the highlights of the film. I would have liked to see more of that. As for acting, Josh Brolin is good, Megan Fox is hot, and John Malkovich is… well, John Malkovich.

THE BAD: The story and character development are sorely lacking. When the movie starts out, it feels like you’re just tuning in to the middle. Some movies do this, then flashback to the events leading up to the incident, but this movie decides to jump forward instead. For reasons unknown, the bad guy who moments ago was our primary focus is now assumed to be dead, Jonah Hex has moved on with his life, and nobody has been given a chance to care about any of it. Add to that the lack of any real motivation for the villain other than just being a jerk, and you’re left with nothing more to look forward to than some flashy visual effects, a few gratuitous shots of Megan Fox in a corset, and the credits.

THE UGLY: For some unexplained reason, the realistic, rustic Western backdrops are periodically swapped for blatant, over-saturated ‘green screen’ images. Not that I was into the story much to begin with, but if I had been, these shocking distractions would have most certainly taken me out of it. To put it into perspective for our gamer friends out there: One moment you’re cruising through the old west a la Red Dead Redemption, the next you’re dropped into Mortal Kombat. No offense to MK intended, just trying to paint a picture of the difference between the two settings.

In the end, Jonah Hex is, sadly, just another Hollywood comic book movie. All things considered, I’m forced to give it an unimpressive D+.

Possibly the most controversial debut of this year’s E3, Nintendo’s 3DS system is kicking up a dust storm of “what ifs” and “I hopes” from the gaming community. In this infantile era of 3D gaming, it’s no wonder that folks are thrilled at the possibility of a handheld 3D system - glasses not required, no less!

Yup. There’s no doubt it sounds great, but is it all it’s cracked up to be?

Well, after spending two precious hours standing still at Nintendo’s DMV-inspired E3 booth, we finally got a chance to lay hands on the product, and this is what we discovered…

First things first: The 3DS is smaller than the XL. Check the specs:

DSi
Display: 3.25″
Touch Screen: 3.25″

DSi XL
Display: 4.2″
Touch Screen: 4.2″

3DS
Display: 3.53″
Touch Screen: 3.02″

Interestingly, the 3DS’s touch screen is even smaller than the original DSi, but since it’s the first DS to have screens of different sizes, the display is slightly larger.

As for the 3D itself, it looks pretty amazing as long as you’re the perfect distance away and you remain perfectly still, directly in front of it. Move your head from side-to-side, lean in too close, too far, or any number of other unapproved motions, and you’ll end up with a very distracting “double vision” effect. I even heard a few complaints of headaches, which is really saying something, considering the fact that no one person was allowed to spend more than 20 minutes using the thing.

Snake: “Why are you standing so close? You’re making me cross-eyed.”

Of course, I’ve also only been able to sample the 3DS briefly, but given my past experience with handheld systems, I suspect long-term users will complain of sore arms and necks as a result of their movement being so restricted by the stringent demands of the technology.

Luckily, the 3DS does come with a slider to adjust the depth of the 3D effect (even turning it off completely if desired), so you can play your games in good, old-fashioned 2D when ya feel like it, but somehow the thought of playing a 3D system in 2D seems kind of… lame. Especially considering the fact that this new 3D system is not likely to be cheap. Popular rumors set the production costs for Nintendo’s 3DS system at somewhere around $300.00 per unit (possibly a good reason for not making them XL), which means the end user will be shelling out some serious dough to pick up this latest Nintengadget.

Another thing that concerns me is that DS fans who can’t afford to upgrade may be left out in the cold, unless Nintendo is kind enough to make their 3D titles backwards-compatible (albeit without the 3D glamor). Odds of playing 3DS titles on an older system are slim-to-none though, for the inclusion of one thing: The 3DS has a PSP-style analog, just above the D-pad.

Last but not least, there is another huge factor to consider: The built-in 3D camera is spectacular. With the snap of a button, the 3DS’s dual lenses combine to create a dazzling 3D image of whatever person, place or thing you decide to capture. There are even a few games on the horizon which make compelling use of this technology, allowing users to take 3D photos of themselves which are then instantly transformed into in-game avatars. I must admit, this was my favorite aspect of the system, and I seriously can’t wait to make good use of it on my own time.

The inclusion of this technology helps to justify whatever price Nintendo slaps on this thing when it comes out too, since even non-gamers may want to pick up a user-friendly 3D camera with built-in Wi-Fi and other goodies. Of course, the 3D images will only be viewable on a device which has the same display technology as the 3DS itself, which is (as far as I know) proprietary, so it may not be that much of a seller after all.

In the end, I’m sure the 3DS will be great for those who can afford it, but if the price is as high as I suspect it will be, and Nintendo delivers it as a “forced” upgrade in order to continue picking up new DS titles, I just worry that a lot of old-school DS fans may be more annoyed than overjoyed at its release. I sincerely hope the folks over at Nintendo are thinking about that crowd, too.

Here’s a funny-yet-mildly-creepy commercial for Nintendo’s newest innovation:

NOTE: The dramatic representation of Mario standing on top of the 3DS like Princess Leia is about as accurate as 2+2=94. While the actual effect is very cool, it’s also much more subtle than you might imagine having seen this promo.

Telltale Games, developers of Tales of Monkey Island and Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Adventures, have officially announced a partnership with Universal Pictures to produce a new series of episodic games based on the uber-popular Back to the Future and Jurassic Park movies.

Behold the official video announcement from the company:

Of course, these movies have had games based on them before, back in the ’80s and ’90s, but those didn’t turn out too well. Heed the warnings of your friendly neighborhood Angry Video Game Nerd:

Ugh. Pretty horrendous. Still, I’m gonna keep the hope alive that these new games will be better.

Telltale Games CEO Dan Connors reassures us:

= Dan Connors, Telltale Games CEO =
“I think it’s a prime time to reintroduce these properties in the digital world. Telltale Games has always set out to be a great storytelling company. We’ve been honing our chops over the past six years, and we’re ready to take on these two iconic properties and continue to advance storytelling in games.”

Telltale’s first Back to the Future and Jurassic Park titles are set to be released for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii, PC and Mac this winter.

There’s a new 8-minute movie floating around the mortal realm, and it’s causing quite a stir. Details are sketchy, which only serves to feed the flames of viewers’ curiosities, left to wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes…

If you haven’t seen it (or if you’d like to watch it again), here’s the controversial vid:

None too shabby? Well, at least it’s better than Annihilation.

The origins and intentions are, as of yet, uncertain. There are, however, some interesting theories and perhaps a few leads buzzing about:

Is this the mysterious culprit?

One of the more solid theories I’ve come across is that Kevin Tancharoen (Director of the recent Fame remake), released the 8-minute short as a visual pitch to gain fan support for a new version of Mortal Kombat in hopes of getting the green light from Warner Bros. to direct it.

This guy looks suspicious…

Another possibility is that those sly cats at Midway have released Rebirth as a live-action teaser to build hype for a new video game announcement at E3.

Whatever the case, we’ll keep ya posted as we learn more. In the meantime, what do you think of the video?

As if the twits over at Twitter weren’t annoying enough already, now thousands of them have joined forces to change Peter Parker to a black guy.

Community (TV series) actor Donald Glover has garnered a significant buzz from the online community (10,000 Twitter supporters, and counting) as a potential replacement for Tobey Maguire in Marc Webb’s reboot of the Spider-Man franchise.

Now, it may not be politically-correct of me to say this, but as a lifelong fan of the ol’ Webhead, I feel it is my duty to speak up. Just to be clear: it’s not that a black actor is incapable of portraying the mannerisms or intricacies of the character, or anything like that. If anything, Glover’s comedy background might help him capture that wise-cracking persona that Tobey Maguire’s version sorely lacked.

That being said, Peter Parker is, and always has been, a skinny, geeky, white guy. It’s bad enough the Raimi films took away Spidey’s classic web-shooters, AND his personality, AND key elements of his story (i.e. Death of Gwen Stacy, the real Black Suit / Venom saga), but now they want to change his race too? In the end, it would be just another case of Hollywood trampling on the source material that made their film possible in the first place.

UPDATE: There are 5 frontrunners rumored to be the new Peter Parker:

Jamie Bell (the angsty teen antagonist from Jumper

Alden Ehrenreich (virtual unknown)

Andrew Garfield (Anton from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus)

Josh Hutcherson (the “Get me a juice box, biatch!” kid from Zathura)

Last but not least, the most likely candidate (he’s listed on the actual IMDb page for the film):

Frank Dillane (Young Tom Riddle from Harry Pooter

Hmm… Not my first choice. Ah well. I guess Spider-Man purists can take comfort in one thing: They could cast a Martian in a clown suit as the new Spider-Man, n’ this movie STILL couldn’t be as bad as Wolverine Origins… could it?

Jack Black’s back with another chuckler. I’m glad. I like Jack Black. Of course, it’s probably gonna be extremely similar to his other movies, so there’s not much to say here. Let’s check the trailer:

Looks like fun, as one would expect. I’ll watch it.

Probably the most newsworthy thing about this movie is the fact that scheduling conflicts forced Emily Blunt to blow off the Black Widow role, which would have secured her a part in both Iron Man 2 (a stinker of a film) and The Avengers (hopefully better than IM2), as well as any future spin-offs (including voice acting gigs for horrible video games) which may include the Black Widow character. Sounds like a lot to sacrifice, considering you could blink and miss her part in the Gulliver trailer.

These two should definitely make a “movie” together.

Gulliver’s Travels is set to hit theaters December 22nd, 2010.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… foos was rockin’ some sick-ass kicks.

adidas has taken a fresh new approach to selling shoes. In a viral ad campaign for their “adidas Originals” collection, adidas has remixed one of the most popular film franchises of all time to include celebrity ranging from David Beckham and Daft Punk to our funky new Skywalker, Snoop Dogg.

Check the description for their latest video, Star Wars Cantina™ 2010:

“adidas Originals invites you to join David Beckham, Daft Punk, Snoop Dogg, Franz Beckenbauer, Noel Gallagher, Ian Brown, Ciara, Jay Baruchel, DJ Neil Armstrong and some of your dear, old friends for an intergalactic 2010 FIFA World Cup™ viewing party that you’ll never forget.”

Okay, sounds pretty insane. Let’s watch it:

Not bad, not bad. Sure, the story’s a little sketchy, and most of the “celebrities” are nigh-unrecognizable… But hey, it’s still LOADS better than Lucas’s remix of Jabba’s palace!

Apparently, the joining of forces between these two major brands has become an international phenomenon. Check out these very creepy posters released in Hong Kong, back in January:

Is it just me, or do those characters look like baby Hitlers?

Rumor on adidas’s official site is that they may launch a James Bond campaign next. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to seeing Odd Job throw a shoe.

Until then, may the force of the Yoda wallabees be with you…

Worst movie poster ever?

If this teaser poster is any indication of the overall quality of the film, Director John Luessenhop’s Takers is sure to be a stinker. Note the obviously cut&pasted heads, the cheesy expressions, and the all-around lack of light and/or color awareness - I’ve seen ransom demands which took more pride in their presentation than this.

Let’s see if the trailer is any better:

Okay, it’s better than the poster. Still, T.I.’s acting rubs me the wrong way and there are a few other elements which leave me skeptical about the film. Of course, being the die-hard movie buff I am, I’ll have to see for myself.

Takers is due August 20th, 2010.

Movie poster awesomeness at its finest.

Mark Wahlberg, Will Farrell, Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock. It’s a combination so blatantly obvious it shocks me to my core that Hollywood has only just now thought to cast these four in a movie together. All we need now is Betty White, Jar Jar Binks and a talking monkey, and this wacky fruit salad will be complete.

Check out the trailer to see what it look like:

Awesome trail– Hold on, what’s this? I spotted Michael Keaton in that trailer! BeetleBats is ALIVE!!! Yee!!! ..Sorry, but I love me some Michael Keaton. That dude cracks me up. He’s also my favorite Batman (up to and including Bale’s gravel-gargling interpretation). But anyway, enough about Keats.

This movie looks awesome. I will be watching it August 6th, 2010.

Hollywood’s favorite MILF is back with a vengeance.

Directed by Phillip Noyce (Clear and Present Danger, The Bone Collector), Salt is the latest action flick to star the aging-yet-still-succulent lips of Angelina Jolie.

SYNOPSIS:
As a CIA officer, Evelyn Salt swore an oath to duty, honor and country. Her loyalty will be tested when a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run, using all her skills and years of experience as a covert operative to elude capture. Salt’s efforts to prove her innocence only serve to cast doubt on her motives, as the hunt to uncover the truth behind her identity continues and the question remains: “Who is Salt?”

Here be the trailer:

Hmm… Looks like The Bourne Identity just got a collagen injection.

Salt is slated for release on July 23rd, 2010.

Paramount and Nickelodeon have sold their souls to the Devil. Even worse, they’ve invited Michael Bay and his team of hacks over at Platinum Dunes to produce the next live-action version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. CowaBUMMER, DUDE!!! :(

We will always remember you as you were… before the Bay took you away. :(

If you’re unfamiliar with Platinum Dunes, just think of the last really bad horror remake you saw, and there you have it. The Amityville Horror (2005), Friday the 13th (2009), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), etc… Basically, if it scared you as a kid and disappointed you as an adult, chances are it was somehow entrusted to these guys.

Now, you may be thinking, “The animated TMNT from a few years ago blew pretty darn hard. This new live-action reboot can’t be worse than that, can it?” Rest easy, my friends… Where there’s a Bay, there’s a way.

Nice pose… What was Megan Fox saying about this guy being Hitler?